How Safe of a Safe do you Need?

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Recently found out that he bought a safe to store who knows what. Actually, I do know what, but I’ll wait until the end for you to find that out. He goes to the garage and shows me. This thing is massive- about 6′ high and 2′ wide. I ask, “What in the WORLD do you need a safe of this size for?” “To store things,” he said. What??? To store what??? He opens it and shows me. There is one box in the bottom of it that roughly takes up 1/20th the size of the safe. “What’s in the box?” I ask. And this is the part that absolutely made me laugh, go “aawwwww” and be mad at the same time. His response, “Memories of us. They are priceless.” And I am not joking, he really did say that and this really did happen. I keep bugging him to return it for a smaller one, but I don’t think he’s budging on this.

Where do Cookies Come From?

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He had dinner with my family recently and my mom was nice enough to make lasagna. I said to him “Now you have to make cookies to pay her back.” (Jokingly of course.) His response: “Umm, no.” So out of curiosity, I ask “How do you make cookies?” His answer: “You roll them up, shape them and put them on the pan.” “Where do you get them from though?” Him: “The store.” Go figure.

Costco Optometry Department Rules?

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Note to people who don’t go to the costco optometry area that often to buy sunglasses- make sure they have your sunglasses before buying them.

We went to the cashier with our filled out form and she let us pay without seeing if they actually had them. This was my mistake. Took a number which happened to be 10 away from the current number. Oh boy- now I was thinking this was going to be like the DMV.

He says: “I’ll go put the groceries in the car and come back.” Good idea if we hadn’t already bought the mystery sunglasses. He still goes to check w the receipt checker about something and she sends him back to where we already are. He then asks the optometry lady if she could just grab them. She says “They shouldn’t have let you buy them first. You’ll have to go to the cashier.” “Okay, he says.” I then see him walk to the optometrist office who of course then sends him to the cashier. Lol. L Finally, a different helper comes by and hands us the glasses they luckily have.

The lady waiting for number turns to us and says “I’ll give you five bucks for your number!” “No need I say ” handing it to her. “Thanks! ” she replies. What does my boyfriend say back? “NO, THANK YOU! ” Sometimes he his just too polite.

Soup 101

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Asked him if he could heat me up some soup for lunch. I thought this was pretty simple, even for him and his lack of cooking skills. He pours the entire can into one small bowl and of course it is filled to the top. So I see then see him scooping out the liquid and putting it into the sink. “What are you doing?” I ask. “Making room for the soup” he says. I was wondering why he didn’t just pour part of it in another bowl, but that’s just him. Silly.

“How long do I put this is for? 15 seconds?” was his next question, followed by “Should I cover this with a paper towel?” At this point I’m cracking up and tell him a minute 30 in the microwave will be just fine. Last question, “Fork or spoon?”  Wow. hehe.

“There you go, enjoy” he says. “Thank you for the soup” I answer, trying hard not to make too much fun of him. Besides, that’s what this blog is for anyways, right?

How to Order the Wrong Thing

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So we get to the coffee shop, mainly for him because I don’t like coffee and I tell him what I want: a small (I still don’t use coffee sizes) double, chocolatey-chip. “Okay. Hey, can you go check out the newspapers?” He says. “Suuurrreee,” I say with a quizzical expression on my face. Out of one ear, I hear him order me “The tallest you have of the chocolate chip drink with 2 shots of espresso.” WHAT???? I’m thinking to myself, where in the world did he get that from? So I rush over to try and change the order, but it was too late. He had already paid. So of course, I get a little frustrated and the poor cashier had no idea what to do. Finally, he says to her “Go ahead and put those two shots into my drink.” Turning towards me “I thought you said 2 shots.” (We have been dating for years, FYI.) While waiting an older guy passes us, pats him on the shoulder and says to him “Good luck with that.”  Did I miss something here??

Planning Ahead….For Starbucks

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Getting back to the hotel after a long day out vacationing, he asks, “Did we stop to pee on the way up here?” Out of nowhere! “Ummm…wait, what? Why?” I retort. We have a long drive back tomorrow, so I guess I understood why where he was going with this. “I want to plan ahead for Starbucks tomorrow.” Well, at least that’s one point for planning ahead!

The Invention of Winery Tailgating

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Vacationing in wine country can be a lot of fun, but can also be very difficult when a dog is on board as well. Visited a winery today around lunchtime that had beautiful outdoor seating and also several large signs that mentioned not allowing you to eat your own food.

Asked him about eating by the car. We set up a towel on the car, leaned against it and ate our PB sandwiches and chips. This is too much fun I said, as we clanked our sun chips together and cheered.

“Winery Tailgaiting,” he said. “I think we started a new trend.”

Hashtag # ?

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I told him about the Jimmy Fallon #hashtag video

His response: What is a hashtag?

Now, mind you, we are still young enough to know what hashatgs are and so I look at him and asked, “You don’t know what a hashtag is?” “Nope” was his reply. After explaining it to him and him watching the video he kept saying “Hashtag, what time is it? Hashtag, dinner?” And so on. For about a good week. That is after he realized that hashtags go before the subject and not after. As in not receiving texts that say “How are you? #” or “Funny #”

Camouflage

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He met me for lunch today at work and told me his story about his trip to the DMV.

He had lost his handicapped car hanger AGAIN and needed a knew one. He had also lost his car registration paper and needed to change a few other things.

DMV Guy: “You don’t look handicapped”
Him: “That’s because I’m in camouflage.”
DMV Guy: With a quizzical look on his face hands him the documents.

Not only did he get a free replacement handicapped hanger and registration paper, he confused the heck out of the DMV guy. (Or so I was told.)

Let me proceed, by telling you that he is indeed handicapped due to a traumatic near-death accident, but most people wouldn’t know it (without going into further detail). Let me further tell you that, I am not aiming to make fun of disabled people- just him, and I can, because I’ve known him for years. In fact, once he does find out that I’ve created a blog about him, he will probably follow it and laugh along with us.

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